Consent
Consent is a very important concept to understand when talking about sexual harassment, abuse, assault or violence. Here at Victim Support Isle of Man, we subscribe to this simple way of describing and understanding consent
Consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. Consent doesn’t have to be given verbally, however, verbal agreement to different sexual activities can help both you and your partner set and respect each other’s boundaries without confusion.
Consent should happen every time. Giving consent for one type of sexual activity, does not mean giving consent for a myriad of different sexual activities on that occasion or in the future. Just because you agree to kiss someone, does not mean you have agreed to sex. Agreeing to one type of sex doesn’t mean you have agreed to another. If you have slept with someone in the past, they must have your consent before having sex with you in the present or on future occasions.
It is also important to remember that you can change your mind. You can withdraw consent at any point if you feel uncomfortable. Communication is key – the best way to let someone know if you are comfortable or uncomfortable with a sexual activity is to talk about it, or to let your partner know with physical cues.
Consent does NOT involve:
- Refusal to acknowledge “no”, or to ignore physical cues such as someone freezing or becoming unresponsive, or physically trying to stop the behaviour
- An assumption that wearing certain clothes, or behaving in a flirtatious way, is an invitation for anything more
- Someone being under the legal age of consent, as defined by the state
- Someone being incapacitated because of drugs or alcohol
- Using fear or intimidation to pressure someone into sex
- Assuming you have permission to engage in a sexual act because you’ve done it in the past