Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone. It can affect people of any gender, age, background or sexuality and can take place between current or former partners, family members or other people in a close personal relationship.
Abuse is not always physical. It can involve controlling, threatening or intimidating behaviour and may develop gradually over time. Sometimes a person may not immediately recognise that what they are experiencing is abuse.
If someone’s behaviour makes you feel frightened, controlled, isolated or unable to make your own choices, support is available.
What is domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviour used by one person to control, intimidate, frighten or harm another person within a domestic or family relationship.
It can include:
- Physical abuse
- Emotional or psychological abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Financial or economic abuse
- Threats and intimidation
- Coercive or controlling behaviour
- Harassment and stalking
- Online or digital abuse
- Isolation from friends and family
Domestic abuse does not have to involve physical violence.
On the Isle of Man, the Domestic Abuse Act 2020 provides specific legal protection for people experiencing domestic abuse. The legislation includes offences relating to domestic abuse and coercive or controlling behaviour.
Physical abuse
Physical abuse can include hitting, punching, kicking, pushing, choking, restraining or deliberately causing someone physical harm.
It may also involve damaging belongings, threatening someone with a weapon or preventing them from accessing medication or medical treatment.
Physical violence may happen regularly or only occasionally. A single serious incident should always be taken seriously.
Emotional and psychological abuse
Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical violence.
Someone may regularly criticise or humiliate you, call you names, blame you for their behaviour or make you question your own judgement.
They may threaten you, your children, pets or people you care about, or make you feel that something terrible will happen if you do not do what they want.
Over time, this behaviour can affect your confidence and make you feel increasingly dependent on the person responsible.
Coercive and controlling behaviour
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour designed to take away another person’s independence and freedom.
Someone may control:
- Who you see or speak to
- Where you go
- What you wear
- How you spend money
- When you leave the house
- Your access to a telephone, computer or transport
- Your work or education
- Your relationships with friends and family
They may constantly check where you are, monitor your phone or social media, demand passwords or repeatedly accuse you of being unfaithful.
On the Isle of Man, coercive or controlling behaviour can be a criminal offence.
Financial abuse
Financial abuse happens when someone uses money or access to finances as a way of controlling another person.
This could include taking your wages or benefits, preventing you from having your own bank account, controlling what you are allowed to spend or deliberately running up debts in your name.
Someone may also prevent you from working, refuse to contribute towards household expenses or make it difficult for you to leave the relationship by restricting your access to money.
Financial abuse can leave people feeling trapped and dependent on the person responsible.
Sexual abuse
Being in a relationship does not mean that you have automatically consented to sexual activity.
Sexual abuse can include being pressured, threatened or forced into sexual activity that you do not want, being touched without consent or being made to take part in sexual acts that make you uncomfortable.
Consent must be freely given.
Digital and online abuse
Technology can also be used as a way of controlling or frightening someone.
Digital abuse can include:
- Reading your messages without permission
- Demanding passwords
- Monitoring your location
- Repeatedly contacting you
- Controlling who you can communicate with online
- Posting embarrassing or private information about you
- Using tracking apps or devices
- Threatening to share intimate photographs or videos
Online behaviour can form part of a wider pattern of domestic abuse, harassment or stalking.
Recognising the signs
Every relationship is different, but there are some common warning signs.
You may find that you:
- Feel frightened of your partner or family member
- Change your behaviour because you are worried about their reaction
- Feel that you have to constantly keep them happy
- Are prevented from seeing friends or family
- Have little or no control over your own money
- Are regularly criticised, humiliated or blamed
- Have your movements, phone or social media monitored
- Feel unable to make decisions for yourself
- Are threatened if you try to leave
- Feel increasingly isolated or dependent on them
You do not have to experience all of these things for a relationship to be abusive.
How domestic abuse can affect you
Living with domestic abuse can have a significant effect on your physical and emotional wellbeing.
You may experience anxiety, fear, low confidence, difficulty sleeping or problems concentrating. You may feel isolated from friends and family or begin to blame yourself for what is happening.
You may also feel confused because the person responsible can sometimes be loving, apologetic or promise that the abuse will never happen again.
There is no “right” way to respond to domestic abuse. People cope with frightening and controlling situations in different ways.
Children and domestic abuse
Domestic abuse can also have a serious impact on children and young people.
Children do not need to directly witness violence to be affected by it. They may hear arguments, see injuries, notice changes in a parent’s behaviour or become aware of tension and fear within the home.
Their behaviour may change. They might become withdrawn, anxious, angry or have difficulties at school or sleeping.
If children are involved, getting support can help protect both you and them.
Leaving an abusive relationship
Leaving an abusive relationship can be difficult and, in some circumstances, may increase the risk of harm.
You should not feel pressured to leave before you are ready.
If you are considering leaving, it can help to speak confidentially with a specialist service and think about a safety plan. This might include identifying somewhere safe to go, keeping important documents accessible and deciding who you could contact in an emergency.
Victim Support Isle of Man can help you consider your options without telling you what you should do.
Reporting domestic abuse
You can report domestic abuse to the Isle of Man Constabulary.
If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
For non-emergency situations, you can contact the Isle of Man Constabulary on 631212.
You do not have to report domestic abuse to the police before contacting Victim Support Isle of Man.
The Isle of Man’s Domestic Abuse Act also gives the police and courts powers to help protect people experiencing domestic abuse, including Domestic Abuse Protection Notices and Domestic Abuse Protection Orders.
These can place restrictions on the person responsible for the abuse, including preventing them from contacting you or approaching your home.
How Victim Support Isle of Man can help
If you are experiencing domestic abuse now, or have experienced it in the past, Victim Support Isle of Man can provide free and confidential support.
We can:
- Listen to what has happened without judgement
- Help you understand your options
- Help you think about your safety
- Provide practical and emotional support
- Help you communicate with other organisations
- Support you if you decide to report the abuse to the police
- Explain what may happen if the case enters the criminal justice system
- Support you before, during and after court proceedings
You can contact us even if the abuse happened months or years ago.
You also do not need to have reported the abuse to the police to receive our support.
Victim Support Isle of Man
Telephone: 01624 679950
Email: enquiries@victimsupport.im
If you are in immediate danger, always call 999.
You deserve to feel safe in your own home and in your relationships. You do not have to deal with domestic abuse alone.