Sexual Violence & Abuse
Sexual violence and abuse is any sexual behaviour or activity that takes place without a person’s consent. It can happen to anyone, regardless of their age, gender, sexuality, background or relationship status.
It may be carried out by a stranger, but very often the person responsible is someone the victim knows, such as a partner, former partner, friend, colleague, relative or someone in a position of trust.
Sexual violence can have a significant emotional and physical impact. If something has happened to you, you do not have to decide immediately what to call it or whether you want to report it. Support is available.
What is sexual violence?
Sexual violence is a broad term covering sexual acts or behaviour that happen without freely given consent.
It can include:
- Rape
- Sexual assault
- Unwanted sexual touching
- Being forced or pressured into sexual activity
- Assault by penetration
- Sexual abuse within a relationship or marriage
- Sexual exploitation
- Sexual harassment
- Sharing or threatening to share intimate images without permission
- Sexual activity involving someone who is unable to give consent
- Sexual abuse of children and young people
Sexual violence does not always involve physical force. Someone may use threats, intimidation, manipulation, pressure, alcohol or drugs, or take advantage of a person’s vulnerability.
What is consent?
Consent means freely agreeing to take part in sexual activity.
Consent cannot be assumed because someone has agreed to sexual activity previously, because two people are in a relationship or because they are married.
A person should be able to make their choice freely, without being frightened, pressured, threatened or manipulated.
Consent to one type of sexual activity does not automatically mean consent to another, and someone can change their mind at any time.
A person may also be unable to consent in certain circumstances, for example if they are asleep, unconscious or unable to understand what is happening.
The Isle of Man’s current sexual offences legislation places consent at the heart of offences including rape, sexual assault and assault by penetration.
Rape and sexual assault
Rape and sexual assault are serious crimes.
Under Isle of Man law, rape involves intentional sexual penetration without consent and without a reasonable belief that the other person consented.
Sexual assault can involve intentionally touching another person in a sexual way without their consent.
Unwanted sexual touching can involve any part of the body and can take place over or underneath clothing.
You do not have to physically fight back for an assault to have taken place. People respond to frightening situations in different ways. Some people may freeze, become unable to speak or feel unable to resist.
Sexual abuse within relationships
Sexual violence can happen within a relationship or marriage.
Being someone’s partner does not give them the right to sexual activity. Consent is still required every time.
Sexual abuse within a relationship may involve forcing or pressuring someone into sex, ignoring them when they say no, deliberately frightening them into taking part in sexual activity or making them feel that they have no choice.
It may also form part of a wider pattern of domestic abuse or controlling behaviour.
Sexual abuse involving alcohol or drugs
Alcohol or drugs can sometimes be involved in sexual offences.
Someone may deliberately give another person alcohol or drugs to make them more vulnerable, or take advantage of someone who is heavily intoxicated.
A person who is unconscious or otherwise unable to make a free and informed decision cannot give consent.
If you believe you may have been drugged or had your drink interfered with, seek medical advice as soon as possible.
Online sexual abuse
Sexual abuse can also take place through phones, social media and other online services.
This can include:
- Being pressured to send sexual photographs or videos
- Receiving unwanted sexual messages or images
- Threats to share intimate photographs
- Sharing intimate images without permission
- Sexual blackmail or extortion
- Grooming
- Creating or distributing sexual images without consent
- Using technology to control or sexually exploit someone
Online sexual abuse can be extremely distressing and should be taken seriously.
How sexual violence can affect you
There is no single way that someone responds to sexual violence or abuse.
You may feel frightened, angry, numb, confused, embarrassed or overwhelmed. You might find it difficult to sleep, concentrate or continue with your usual routine.
Some people remember what happened very clearly, while others have gaps in their memory. You may find yourself questioning what happened or wondering whether you could have done something differently.
These reactions can happen immediately or appear weeks, months or even years later.
There is no correct way to respond to sexual violence.
If it has happened recently
Your safety and wellbeing are the priority.
If you are in immediate danger or need urgent police assistance on the Isle of Man, call 999.
If you want to report a sexual assault or rape to the Isle of Man Constabulary in a non-emergency, you can call 631212.
You may also wish to seek medical attention, particularly if you have been injured, are concerned about pregnancy or believe you may have been exposed to a sexually transmitted infection.
The Manx Integrated Sexual Health Centre can provide confidential sexual health advice and testing.
If you think you may want forensic evidence to be collected, try to seek advice as soon as possible. However, do not worry if you have already washed, changed your clothes or some time has passed. You can still ask for help and report what happened.
If it happened some time ago
You can still seek support if the sexual violence or abuse happened months or years ago.
Some people do not feel able to talk about their experiences until much later. Others may only begin to recognise what happened as sexual abuse after a period of time.
There is no time when your experience becomes unimportant.
Victim Support Isle of Man can support you whether the incident happened recently or many years ago.
Do I have to report it to the police?
No.
It is your choice whether you report what happened to the police.
You can speak to Victim Support Isle of Man and receive emotional and practical support without making a police report.
If you do decide to report the incident, we can help you understand the process and support you when dealing with the police and criminal justice system.
You do not have to make every decision immediately.
Preserving information and evidence
If you feel able to do so, keeping information about what happened may be helpful later.
This could include:
- Saving text messages, emails and social media conversations
- Taking screenshots of online messages or profiles
- Keeping details of telephone calls
- Writing down what you remember
- Keeping clothing or other items connected with a recent incident
However, your wellbeing is more important than collecting evidence. Do not put yourself at risk.
Supporting someone who tells you about sexual violence
If someone tells you that they have experienced sexual violence or abuse, one of the most helpful things you can do is listen.
Try not to question why they behaved in a particular way or why they did not report the incident sooner.
Allow them to make their own decisions about what happens next.
You can encourage them to seek specialist support, but avoid pressuring them into reporting the incident or taking action before they are ready, unless there is an immediate safeguarding concern.
How Victim Support Isle of Man can help
Victim Support Isle of Man provides free and confidential support to people affected by sexual violence and abuse.
We can:
- Listen to what has happened without judgement
- Provide emotional and practical support
- Help you understand the options available
- Support you if you decide to report the incident
- Help you communicate with the police and other organisations
- Explain what may happen during an investigation
- Help you prepare for attending court
- Support you throughout the criminal justice process
- Continue supporting you after a case has finished
You can contact us whether the incident happened recently or many years ago, and you do not need to have reported it to the police.
Victim Support Isle of Man
Telephone: 01624 679950
Email: enquiries@victimsupport.im
If you or somebody else is in immediate danger, call 999.